New Years Revolution
by amy.werner.794
Summary: In this AU sequel to "Acceptable Risks" Amanda's actions surprise the two men who think that they know her best.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: "Scarecrow and Mrs. King" is the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions. This story was written for entertainment purposes only.

Author's note: This story is a sequel to "Acceptable Risks". It begins on the evening of December 31, 1985; two weeks after the events of "Acceptable Risks". I'd like to thank Lanie Sullivan for thinking of such a clever title for this tale.

New Years Revolution, chapter 1

Amanda rushed through her backdoor with her arms full of grocery bags. She had expected to find her mother getting ready to prepare dinner, but she was greeted by her ex-husband instead.

"Hi, Amanda, I'm glad to see you. You're late; I was starting to get worried about you," Joe said as he moved to help Amanda to place the grocery bags on the counter.

"Hello Joe, thanks for the help with the bags, what am I late for?"

"Don't you all usually have dinner between six and six- thirty; there is no way that you'll have dinner ready by then if you're just starting now. What's in all these bags…we can't possibly need any more food here," Joe concluded judgmentally. Amanda turned her back on Joe, took a deep breath and slowly removed her coat and hung it over a chair back. She turned back to Joe who was impatiently waiting for her to respond to him.

"Mother is more than willing to get dinner started by herself on days when I'm running late but even if dinner is late the boys are in no danger of starving. As for these bags of groceries that WE don't need; they aren't for us. Where is Mother by the way?"

"Your mother has a date tonight…she invited me to spend the evening keeping you and the boys company. If these groceries aren't for the family who are they for," Joe questioned oblivious to Amanda's irritation with him.

"I wish Mother had discussed her plans with me before she invited you to spend the evening with us," Amanda said as she began to take things out of the refrigerator so that she could throw together a quick dinner.

"You're making it sound as though you don't want us to spend the evening as a family. The best thing for the boys-"

"Joe King, don't you dare talk to me about what is best for our sons, I have been here doing my best for them every day of their lives," Amanda said more angrily than she had intended.

Stepping back from Amanda, Joe responded," Calm down, Amanda, I'm simply suggesting that the boys need to get used to our being a family again." _It may take Amanda longer than I expected to get over this spy fantasy of hers but I know that she'll come to realize that the best thing for all of us would be for us to go back to the way we were before._ The momentary silence in the room was shattered by the arrival of Phillip and Jamie.

"Hi, Mom," they said at the same time.

"Grandma said Dad is having dinner with us," Phillip said excitedly.

"What are we having," Jamie asked.

"I'm making cheeseburgers and French fries. We'll have dinner together and then you and your dad will spend the evening together. I'm going to go visit a friend for a few hours."

"Amanda, you can't-", Joe began only to be interrupted by Amanda.

"Excuse me, Joe, boys please go upstairs and get washed up for dinner. I'll call you when it's ready." The boys, who sensed the tension between their parents, reluctantly left the room.

"Joe, you are the boys' father and I will do everything that I possibly can to help you repair the damage that you did to your relationship with them but WE are no longer one big happy family. I have plans for tonight and you have a choice to make. You can spend the evening with your sons or you can leave after dinner and I will arrange for someone to stay with the boys until I get home from visiting my friend. What'll it be?"

"I'll stay with the boys," Joe replied as Amanda resumed her dinner preparations believing that their conversation was over. Joe, unwilling to have his views be so quickly dismissed continued, "I think that you're setting yourself up for a major disappointment. Men like your 'friend' don't sit at home on New Year's Eve the way that we do; they take glamorous dates to ritzy parties."

"Joe, the burgers are almost ready and the fries will be done in a few minutes. I'm leaving now…I hope you and the boys have a good evening together." Amanda grabbed her coat and one of the grocery bags that she'd left on the counter and sped out the backdoor. _Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just walked out on him…I guess it's my turn to pursue a dream._ Amanda stopped long enough to put her coat on and then she continued to her car determined not to allow Joe's admonition regarding Lee to discourage her.


	2. Chapter 2

New Years Revolution, chapter 2

As Amanda entered the elevator in Lee's apartment building Joe's warning to her concerning Lee's lifestyle replayed in her head. _What am I doing here? I think Joe is wrong about Lee, no, I KNOW Lee has changed but it's not like me to show up unannounced at a man's apartment on New Year's Eve. Stop it, Amanda, this isn't just any man it's Lee and while we're still figuring out what the future holds for us as a couple he's still my best friend._ When the elevator reached Lee's floor Amanda got off, took a deep calming breath and walked down the hall to his apartment. The door flew open the moment Amanda rang the bell.

"Stacey, you said you'd be here two hours ago," Lee grumbled before he registered that it was Amanda that was standing in front of him. "Ahh, Amanda, I wasn't expecting you tonight," he said more civilly as he leaned against the doorway.

"I shouldn't have come here unannounced... you're obviously expecting someone else... so I'll go now," Amanda said awkwardly. "Happy New Year, Lee." She looked down instead of looking at his face.

"I said that I wasn't expecting you," Lee said as he raised her chin so that she'd have to look at him, "I didn't say that I wasn't glad to see you. Come in; you can keep me company while I wait for Stacey."

"Is that with a 'y' or an 'ie'," Amanda asked cattily.

"What?"

"Stacey, does she spell her-"

"Are you on that kick again? I'm not dating her; I'm not seeing anyone but you. Stacey is a rookie cop who offered to bring me a police report that I have to sign. She probably started celebrating early; I'll have to go to the police station to sign it tomorrow," Lee explained as he began to limp towards his sofa.

"Oh my gosh, you're hurt again, you promised me that you wouldn't do anything dangerous without backup."

"I'm sorry, Amanda," Lee replied as he collapsed onto his sofa, "I didn't think that the purse snatcher was going to wait around while I called for backup." As Lee spoke Amanda looked him over closely and saw that his ankle was bandaged and he had several stitches in the side of his head.

"I can't believe that a purse snatcher was able to get the best of you," Amanda blurted out without thinking.

"He didn't do this by himself," Lee said in an attempt to salvage his image.

"Maybe you should tell me what happened from the beginning," Amanda suggested as she sat down next to Lee and placed the bag she'd been carrying by her feet.

"As I was coming out of the dry cleaners I saw a man grab an elderly woman's handbag and start to run. I chased after him and grabbed him from behind; he spun around and pulled a knife on me and we began to struggle over it. One minute we were fighting for control of the knife and the next minute we found ourselves in a tangled heap on the ground with a kid's bicycle on top of us."

"Did you knock the poor child off of his bike? Was he badly hurt," Amanda asked as she imagined one of her sons being in the child's place.

"No is the answer to both of your questions. The kid saw the purse snatching and when he thought that the guy might get away from me he decided to stop him by running into him with his bike but his aim was off so he knocked us both to the ground."

"What happened next?"

"Someone must have called the police because they arrived at that moment. The kid started yelling that he'd stopped a purse snatcher and since I was on the bottom of the pile the cops assumed that I was the perp. They spotted my gun before I had a chance to identify myself as a federal agent and then…would you mind if I tell you the rest later…my head is throbbing," Lee said as he closed his eyes and began to massage his temples.

"Of course I'll wait until later. You've obviously been seen by a doctor; did he prescribe any pain killers?"

"I was given a shot before they stitched up my scalp," Lee said with a slight wince, "and they gave me a prescription to fill for later."

"Let me guess; you didn't fill the prescription."

"I hate the way that stuff makes me feel, I don't need it. As soon as I got home I had a couple of scotches…took the edge off…I'll be fine." Lee opened his eyes and Amanda looked at him disapprovingly.

"You don't look fine. I have some extra strength aspirin in my purse; I'll give you two of them and then you can try to take a nap." Lee reached for the empty scotch glass that was sitting on the coffee table and Amanda rolled her eyes at him. "I'll get you a glass of water to wash down the pills with while I put the groceries in the refrigerator."

"Why did you buy me groceries; you didn't know that I'd gotten hurt again?"

"Um, not groceries exactly...", Amanda hedged.

"What did you bring me?"

"I brought the ingredients for a midnight dinner. There is a tradition that states that …never mind…you'll think it's silly." Amanda started to get up from the sofa and Lee grabbed her arm to keep her next to him.

"You came here on a night that you led me to believe you planned to spend with your family. This tradition must be important to you; please tell me about it," Lee implored. Their eyes locked as Amanda tried to decide whether or not Lee was ready to hear what she had to say. When she remained silent Lee plunged on, "Over the years I've found myself spending New Years Eve in many different foreign countries. Every one had its' own culture, but the one thing that they all had in common was that they had their own traditional ways of celebrating the start of a new year. We've shared a lot over the last few years; I hope you feel comfortable enough with me to share your tradition with me."

"When I was a little girl Mother and Daddy used to tell me how important it was to start each new year with the people that mean the most to you. After I started dating, Mother began to tell me that I should be very careful in choosing who I would spend New Years Eve with because tradition states that the person you begin a new year with will be with you through the coming year. Last year we went to the party at the Soviet Embassy together and here we are together again…I guess I thought that if we…I told you it was silly."

"I don't think it's silly at all," Lee said as he gently stroked Amanda's cheek, "there is no one I'd rather spend this evening with than you. I'm sorry that I'm not in any shape to take you out so that we could celebrate in style…you don't deserve to be cooped up here," he added as he ran his hand through his hair.

"We tried celebrating in style last year; it didn't end well for you. I'd rather spend this evening here…alone with you. I bet that if you take some aspirin now and take a nap you'll be feeling better in a few hours. I'll wake you up around eleven o'clock and you can keep me company while I make us a light dinner. We have the whole night ahead of us," Amanda said suggestively.


	3. Chapter 3

New Years Revolution, chapter 3 

As a rather drowsy Lee began to wake from his nap he remembered Amanda helping him to his bedroom and then leaving him with the promise that she'd wake him in a few hours. He was relieved to find that the aspirin Amanda insisted he take had actually alleviated the throbbing headache that had been plaguing him earlier. Before opening his eyes he decided to try to move his sprained ankle; he smiled with satisfaction when his tentative stretching didn't result in searing pain.

"You look as if you're feeling much better," Amanda said, startling him as he had thought that he was alone in the room.

"Ahh, yes," Lee responded as he realized that Amanda was sitting on his bed. "I guess the aspirin were a more effective pain reliever than the scotch was." Since they had acknowledged the depth of their feelings for each other, he'd been increasingly thinking and dreaming about what it would be like to share his bed with Amanda but he found the reality of having her that close unsettling. She had opened the neckline of her silky blouse to reveal considerably more skin than she ordinarily would. "It's gotten late, you must be starving, let's go in the kitchen and get dinner started," he suggested and began to sit up. 

"Stay where you are." Amanda gently pushed him back down. "I've changed my mind about dinner."

"I understand; I know you'd planned to spend tonight with your family. I'm not that hungry any way, I'll make myself a sandwich-" 

"They're already made; I decided you would be more comfortable if I made something that we could eat right here," Amanda said with a seductive smile as she reached out and stroked his arm while moving closer to him.

"Right here," he questioned uncomfortably. He was very proud of the fact the he was respecting Amanda's feelings concerning casual sex but he could already feel his body reacting to her proximity.

"Are you one of those people that don't like to get crumbs in your bed?" She leaned over further to continue caressing his arm; revealing even more of her cleavage.

"No, I'm not worried about crumbs…we should go in the other room so that we don't miss the ball drop in Times Square. You go turn on the television and I'll get the champagne." 

"Okay, we can START our celebration in the other room," she conceded in a suggestive tone and reluctantly rose from the bed.

"Go on ahead of me…I'll meet you in a minute." After Amanda left the room, Lee got up, and untucked his shirt to cover the bulge in his pants. _This is really strange. Am I totally misreading the signals she's sending?_

Amanda turned on the television that Lee usually kept hidden in the corner of the living room. They met in the kitchen where he was opening the champagne and she was gathering the sandwiches she had made. They carried everything into the living room in companionable silence and settled on the sofa. As they ate and waited for the stroke of midnight Lee regaled Amanda with tales of some of the places he'd spent New Year's Eves over the years. When the ball dropped in Times Square they shared a tender kiss and then toasted the new year as Auld Lang Syne played in the background.

"I think I owe you a dance from last New Year's Eve. Will you dance with me before you have to leave?" Lee kissed her hand as he stood up and pulled Amanda up with him.

"I'd love to dance with you but there's no rush; I'm not going any place." Amanda pressed herself against Lee and initiated a very passionate kiss. They continued kissing until they needed to stop due to lack of oxygen. Lee started to back up so Amanda grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Where are you going," she asked as she ran her free hand through the hair at the base of his neck.

"I'm going to switch off the television; then we can choose a record to dance to. Holding you close feels so right…I'd like to dance for a little while before you have to go home."

"What makes you think that I have to go home? I'm a grown woman…I'm tired of having other people decide what I should be doing. Don't you want me…it certainly looks as though you do." Amanda once again pressed herself against Lee and reached out to touch the evidence of his desire for her. 

"Whoa, Amanda!" Lee deflected her hand by clasping it between his own hands and caressing it tenderly. "Obviously, you can see how much I want you but I thought that we agreed to move slowly. Our relationship is very important to me…I don't want to screw it up…ah, poor choice of words. I'm just learning about building a long term relationship; you aren't like the women in my past and I refuse to treat you like I treated them."

"I appreciate that but I know when I want a man and I've wanted you for a long time." She paused long enough to eye him appreciatively and then continued, "Why shouldn't I act on what I'm feeling?" Amanda had a look of defiance on her face that Lee had seen on other occasions when she'd felt thwarted.

"If you've waited so long for this, why is it suddenly so important to you tonight? You seem extremely determined not to go home…why is that?" 

"Why do you keep trying to send me home to Joe? Mother set me up to spend tonight with him. When he guessed that I'd been planning to come see you he told me what a huge mistake I was making. And you; you've been trying to get me to leave since I got here. Doesn't what I want matter to any of you," she demanded angrily.


	4. Chapter 4

New Years Revolution, chapter 4

Amanda quickly pulled her hand from between Lee's hands and turned her back on him. She was feeling hurt and angry but deep down she knew that Lee was the one person in her life who hadn't made any demands of her recently. Not long after they had acknowledged their feelings for each other in his hospital room Amanda had become swept up in preparing for Christmas. She was determined to include Joe in as many family activities as she could for the boys' sake without allowing anyone to develop false hope that she and Joe might reconcile. Lee had graciously taken a back seat while she had devoted most her time to her family since the Christmas season was so important to them. Amanda sighed audibly and turned back to face Lee who had chosen to remain momentarily silent to give her a chance to calm down.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't be taking my problems out on you…this isn't how I planned for our night to end."

"Our night? You weren't planning to see me tonight; coming here was plan B when things-"

"You're wrong, Lee." Amanda walked towards him in an effort to close the physical and emotional distance between them but he took a step back effectively rebuffing her attempt.

"You told me yourself that you planned to spend the evening with your family and you aren't exactly dressed for a romantic New Year's Eve celebration. I don't mind having you here but I do resent being used. I'm still new at having a serious relationship but I do know that I want our first time together to be an act of love; I don't want you to turn to me because you're angry at your ex."

"How dare you? You have no-" Amanda's flash of anger burned itself out quickly and she looked down as a single tear escaped her eye. "I'm sorry…you're right…but you're wrong also." She sank down onto the sofa and Lee came and sat at the opposite end of the sofa. "I did come here earlier because I was angry at Joe and Mother and maybe that's why I tried to…umm-"

"Seduce me," Lee offered with a smile that suggested that he was also calming down.

"Yes, it feels good to know how much you want me but I'm glad that you didn't give in to me…I want our first time to be perfect."

"It will be!" Lee took Amanda into his arms and kissed her soundly. After remaining tangled in each other's arms for several minutes, she pulled away from Lee and gazed at him with a serious expression on her face.

"I didn't lie to you earlier. I'd planned to spend tonight with my family because I thought that I should, but I really wanted to be with you. It occurred to me this afternoon that I didn't have to choose; I could do both. I shopped for our dinner and I planned to call you to ask if I could come over later in the evening but then when I got home Joe was there."

"Did you two have words," Lee questioned as Amanda chewed on her lower lip.

"Yes, I didn't mean to-," Amanda began guiltily.

"Shh, Amanda, I wasn't judging you." Lee moved closer to her but didn't infringe on her space.

"I don't want to be one of those ex-wives." Lee looked at her with a confused expression on his face. "I hate when I see women tear down their exes in front of their children. I swore to myself that I would never let the boys see that I have any differences with their father. I've let Joe say and do whatever he's pleased since he came back but he went too far tonight."

"What did he do?" Lee clenched and unclenched his fist at his side but managed to keep his voice neutral.

"It started the minute I walked in the door; he treated me as if I were a child who broke curfew. I tried not to let it bother me, but he didn't stop there. I'd come in with three bags of groceries which he observed 'we' didn't need as though he should have any say in the matter. When I accidentally let it slip that I was planning to come and see you he dared to attack your character; he doesn't know anything about you." Lee looked at her uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "Lee?"

"I probably should have talked to you last week but I didn't want to stir up trouble unnecessarily. I heard through the grapevine that Joe's been asking around about me; he wasn't interested in my professional reputation."

"The nerve of that man…you just saved his…he owes you."

"No, he doesn't, I did what I did for you and your boys. He isn't stupid; he figured out that you and I hadn't just met. Joe wants you back and he sees me as a threat."

"I told him in no uncertain terms that I wasn't interested in going back."

"Sometimes men only hear what they want to hear. If your mother and the boys are hoping that you two get back together they may be encouraging Joe not to give up."

"I can understand the boys wanting that, but not Mother; if she'd had her way I'd be married to Dean now." Amanda began to stand up but Lee pulled her back down.

"It would never have come to that," he said confidently.

"How can you be so sure?"

"I would have stopped you." Lee smiled at her smugly.

"As reassuring as that thought is I still need to have a long talk with Mother; she has no right to meddle in my life.

"She's your mother so she wants what is best for you. She'd like to see you settled with a man who loves you and will take care of you."

"We're working on that," she said as she tenderly stroked his cheek.

"You and I know that but your mother doesn't." Lee took the hand she'd stroked his cheek with and kissed it.

"I don't want to live this way anymore so if the only way I can stop my mother from playing matchmaker is to tell her about you then that's what I plan to do."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: I apologize for the delay in posting this new chapter. Unfortunately, real life obligations took a big chunk out of my usual writing time. Thank you to everybody who posted reviews; I love receiving reader feedback. And now, on with the story...

SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK SMK

"Are you sure that telling your mother about me is a good idea," Lee asked doubtfully.

"Yes, you said it yourself; Mother has been matchmaking because she wants to see me settled in a loving relationship with a good man. Once I tell her about you-"

"You'll have a whole new set of problems," Lee sagged against the back of the sofa and continued, "because she'll ask all sorts of questions about me. What are you going to do when she wants to meet me?"

"She wouldn't be a good mother if she didn't have a ton of questions about you. I plan to answer her questions as honestly as possible considering that I'm not prepared to tell Mother and the boys about the Agency yet. After I've answered her initial questions we can arrange for you to meet the family officially. Aren't you tired of skulking around in my yard?"

"Skulking comes naturally to me; meeting the family of the woman in my life doesn't. If you tell your mother about my background it'll be a miracle if she doesn't ramp up her campaign to get you and Joe back together. As much as I'd like to be part of your family I might not fit in. They could hate me." Lee raked his hand through his hair and then reached for the champagne glass in front of him and emptied it in one gulp.

"Relax, they won't hate you."

"I don't know why you are so sure that they'll accept me. I haven't been part of a traditional family in over thirty years and as you've pointed out to me on numerous occasions my lifestyle is far from normal. Maybe I'm meant to go through life alone?"

"I can't imagine my life without you in it; so your days as a loner are over, Buster. I'll have a quick conversation with Mother when I stop by the house in the morning"

"Stop by the house in the morning?" Lee tugged at his shirt collar and looked at Amanda anxiously. "I thought that we agreed that tonight isn't -"

"We did agree," Amanda interrupted, "but I'd still like to stay here with you. I really don't want to go home yet; please let me sleep here on the sofa."

"You can definitely stay the night but you don't need to sleep on the sofa. We've shared a bed before…there is no reason why we shouldn't now. We can snuggle tonight and then I'll take an extremely cold shower in the morning. You are always welcome here." Lee pulled Amanda into his arms and they shared a series of lingering kisses until she slowly pulled back from him.

"I think I'm enjoying this too much…if we don't stop now neither one of us will want to settle for just cuddling tonight. Let's hit the sack now. You need to elevate your ankle and I need to get some sleep; I have a busy day ahead of me."

"You said that you're going to stop by your house in the morning…what do you plan to do tomorrow? Does it involve your family?"

"I volunteered to help out at a New Year's Day party at a community food pantry. It is a great way to do something to help families that haven't been as fortunate as mine. Mother and the boys went with me last year but this year I plan to go alone. I have to stop by the house to pick up some things that I left behind when I rushed out earlier."

"I assume that you're talking about the bags of groceries that Joe said you didn't need. You amaze me…your own budget is pretty tight but you're still donating groceries as well as your time to help complete strangers."

"It's no big deal; it is a small way that I can help to make life a little bit better for some people who are going through a tough time in their lives. A group of us goes to local businesses to ask them to donate food to the pantry so that the families who need help can come and 'shop' our shelves. We also ask the restaurants in the area to donate food so that we can host a party today. Our guests can socialize during the meal and then the mothers can pick out some food to take home from the pantry. We have other volunteers who play with the kids while the moms are busy. It isn't easy for these people to admit that they need help so we try to make the day as low key and social as we can."

"Do you need another volunteer? I'll do whatever needs to be done," Lee offered eagerly.

"Are you sure you're ready to spend several hours trapped in a suburban community center?" _I don't want him getting scared off before he meets Mother and the boys._

"It'll be good practice for me…I can spend some time mingling with normal people before I meet your family. We'll have a chance to be like other suburban couples. I want that; I'm so tired of looking at most of your life from the outside."

"You won't have to do that from now on; when we aren't working we are going to be like any other couple." Amanda stood up and glanced back at Lee who remained seated. "C'mon Big Fella, lend me a pair of pajamas, it'll be morning before you know it." Lee rose from the sofa and he and Amanda walked towards his bedroom hand in hand.

Six hours later Amanda woke up snuggled against Lee with her face resting on his chest.

"Good morning," Lee greeted her in a rough voice with a contented smile on his face.

"For someone who isn't a morning person you seem to be in a very good mood."

"I never would have guessed that it would feel so incredibly right." Lee kissed Amanda's forehead and pushed a wayward curl off her face.

"You didn't know what would feel so right," she asked sleepily.

"Waking up with the woman I love in my arms," he responded as his hazel eyes gazed into her brown eyes.

"Oh my gosh, did you just say-"

"I love you, Amanda; I have for a long time. I just didn't…" Lee shyly turned away from her.

Amanda picked up her head and looked at Lee with a warm smile. "Lee, I love you and I'm scared too. One thing that I've learned over the past couple of years is that we can handle anything as long as we face it together. I'll go talk to Mother and then I'll meet you at the community center at ten. We'll need a couple of hours to get everything set up before the guests start to arrive at noon." Amanda started to get up and then looked back at Lee. "I'll go start the coffee; you can go back to sleep for a little while."

"I'm too excited to sleep; go take your shower while I start the coffee and make breakfast."

"You're going to eat breakfast? I don't think I'm ready for this much change all at once," she teased.

"I didn't say that I was going to eat it; I'm just going to make it for you. Let's get moving…we have a big day ahead of us."


	6. Chapter 6

Amanda pulled into her driveway and was relieved to see that Joe's car was gone. She knew that she would have to have a serious talk with him concerning his recent behavior but talking to her mother was her top priority. It was shortly after eight o'clock, and on an ordinary morning she was certain that her mother would already be in the kitchen but she was hoping that if she'd stayed out late she might still be asleep. _I can't believe that I'm sneaking into my own house again. Mother knows that I've been out all night but I'd prefer not to have her see me in last night's clothes. Get over it, Amanda…what I'm wearing is the least of my problems._ She silently closed the front door and crept towards the stairs carrying her high heels.

"Amanda, Dear, is that you?" Dotty rushed from the kitchen effectively stopping Amanda in her tracks. "I've been worried sick…where were you all night? No don't answer that; you won't tell me the truth anyway. Thank goodness Joe was here with the boys when I got home; he told me that you are involved in a very destructive relationship."

"Yes, thank goodness for Joe," Amanda responded sarcastically when Dotty stopped to take a breath. "Mother, we have a lot to talk about. Let's keep our voices down…I don't want the boys to overhear us. I don't know where to start; I regret some of the choices that I've made recently."

"You don't need to be embarrassed, I understand, every woman needs to be a little rebellious occasionally. Amanda, you've been without a man in your-"

"Moth-er," Amanda groaned.

"A man in your life, Amanda; I remember how I felt after your father had been gone for a long time. I began to have…yearnings…but I knew that I'd never find anyone that I could love the way that I loved your father so I sought out men that were as different from him as possible. When I think about some of those men now I can't believe that I had anything do to with them; but back then they made me feel alive and desirable again. You shouldn't feel ashamed of what you've done," Dotty concluded as she put a comforting arm around Amanda.

"Ashamed," Amanda questioned more loudly than she had intended, shrugging off Dotty's arm. "I haven't done anything to be ashamed of and as far as Joe is concerned; how I choose to live my life is none of his business. It seems as though he has enlisted your help with his campaign to get me to take him back. I told him and now I'm telling you, it's not going to happen…I've moved on with my life."

"You've moved on? Is sneaking around and having an affair with a totally unsuitable man your idea of rebuilding your life?"

"I am not sneaking around…well I guess I have been, but that's one of the things that I regret doing. I didn't tell you that I'd met someone special because for the longest time I was convinced that he and I would never be anything more than friends. He isn't like anyone I've ever met-"

"That's precisely why Joe is concerned," Dotty interrupted. "He doesn't want you to get hurt so he checked out your 'friend'."

"I suspect that most of what Joe told you was based on gossip. He may even believe some of it but that is beside the point. Joe doesn't like it when he doesn't get what he wants." Amanda put down the shoes she'd been holding and walked into the kitchen with Dotty following close behind.

"I admit that he did ask me to secretly arrange for him to spend last evening with you and the boys. I agreed to go out and not come home until well past midnight." Dotty explained while taking two mugs out of a cabinet. "When I did get home he was sitting in the living room with the lights off; he startled me because I wasn't expecting anyone to be there. I could see that something was troubling him but he said that he didn't want to worry me by discussing it. I asked Joe why you hadn't stayed up with him and that's when he told me that you had gone out and not come back. Naturally, I asked him where you had gone and-"

"He was suddenly willing to share all the dirt he had dug up about Lee."

"Lee? Your boss?" Dotty stopped filling the two coffee mugs she'd placed on the stove and glared at Amanda. "You've been dating your boss while you've been telling me that I was wrong to suspect that you were involved with someone at work."

"Mother, it's a very complicated situation, I never planned to lie to you about my feelings for Lee and I didn't expect to fall in love with him."

"Darling, I know you've been lonely but how could you allow yourself to fall in love with your boss? Joe said he has a reputation for womanizing. He has a string of women in the workplace and in DC society circles"

"Lee is not my boss…he's…he has seniority at work and he trained me but Lee is definitely not my boss," Amanda clarified indignantly.

"Alright, Amanda, he isn't your boss. Is he a womanizer?" Dotty tapped her well manicured nails on the countertop as she waited for Amanda's response.

"That is an ugly word; I wouldn't use it to describe Lee," Amanda replied in as even and unemotional voice as she could muster. A determined Dotty continued to pursue the matter.

"Do other people use that word in reference to Lee?"

"Yes, Mother, some people do," Amanda answered angrily. "Is that what you wanted to hear?" She looked at the floor, took a deep breath, and then faced her mother. "I'm sorry that I wasn't honest with you about Lee in the past; I can't change that but I promise to be honest with you about my relationship with him from now on."

"That's all I ask of you; I want what is best for you. I am simply trying to find out what type of man you are carrying on with?"

"I am not carrying on-"

"Wait one minute, Missy," Dotty interrupted, "you left here at dinnertime last night and tried to sneak in after breakfast this morning. Joe said that…Lee…has a very unsavory reputation."

"Are those Joe's words? It sounds as if he is lifting his characterizations of Lee from a bad novel. Lee dated aggressively in the past but there is nothing unsavory about him. He could give Joe lessons in character and personal responsibility. I know Lee far better than the people who Joe has been talking to."

"How long have you known Lee? You're very trusting…he could be hiding his true nature from you. Have you met his parents?"

"Lee's parents died in a car accident when he was five years old; he was raised by his uncle. I met the Colonel last year."

"The Colonel? Is that how he refers to the person who raised him," Dotty challenged with a raised eyebrow.

"Colonel Clayton is a career Air Force officer. He and Lee love and respect each other but they've always had a strained relationship. I suspect that they would get along better if they weren't so much alike; they both have trouble discussing their feelings and they're terribly stubborn."

"What about the rest of his family?"

"They only have each other. Lee's been a loner for most of his life but he'd desperately like to be part of a family again."

"May I assume that since you're telling me about him now that you'd like him to become part of our family? I'd like to meet this man who has become so terribly important to you. I want to-"

"Interrogate him," Amanda interjected.

"That sounds so harsh; I can't imagine why you would use that word. I just want the chance to meet him and reach my own conclusions about him. Is that too much for me to ask?"

"I'll arrange for you and the boys to meet Lee soon." _I'd be worried about Lee if he hadn't been interrogated by the KGB and the Chinese in the past. Heck, I'm still worried about how he'll fare with Mother._


	7. Chapter 7

Amanda rushed into the community center forty-five minutes past the time she'd agreed to meet Lee. She anxiously scanned the large gymnasium that was going to be used as the dining room for the meal that the volunteers would be serving but she didn't see Lee. _Where could he be? I was sure that he would be waiting for me in his car…why would he decide to come in here alone?_

"Amanda," shouted Rita Baldwin, an overdressed volunteer who stopped giving orders to the other volunteers that were present and hurried over to where Amanda was standing.

"Hello, Rita, I see that you've taken charge here _as usual_. I'm looking for a friend who is supposed to meet me; maybe you've seen him? He's-"

"Quite the hunk…although I must say he seems rather shy for a man that looks as good as he does. After we spotted him sitting alone in his car we had to practically drag him inside."

"Where is he now," Amanda asked with trepidation as she continued to scan the room while giving Rita the impression that she still had her complete attention.

"He volunteered for kitchen duty. I think he was trying to avoid us…what could he possibly know about cooking?"

"You'd be surprised. If you'll excuse me; I want to let Lee know that I'm here." Amanda began to walk quickly towards the building's institutional kitchen with Rita in hot pursuit.

"Speaking of surprises; I was surprised to meet Lee. I saw your mother at the PTA Christmas get together and she was hinting that you and your ex might be reconciling."

"Mother was mistaken. You must excuse me; I've kept Lee waiting far too long already." Amanda wasn't usually inclined to be so brusque in dealing with other people but she was growing increasingly concerned about how Lee was handling his immersion in suburbia. She paused tensely at the swinging door to the kitchen, chewed on her lower lip, then took a deep breath and walked into the room.

"Hi, you're more than a little late," Lee greeted her with a feigned expression of irritation on his face. He regretted his playful attempt to tease her when he saw the look on her face.

"I'm sorry." Amanda looked away from him and began to fuss with the grocery bags she'd been carrying. "I never intended for you to have to face all this," she gestured with her arms to indicate their surroundings, "by yourself," she finished sadly. Lee walked over to her and raised her chin so that she'd have to look at him.

"Amanda, I was only kidding, I'm fine. I've been in good hands since I escaped from your friends out there. Mrs. Morris told me that she has known you and the boys since they started school." While Lee was speaking, Amanda noticed the plump, sixty year old retired school cafeteria manager working in the corner of the kitchen.

"Oh, hello, Mrs. Morris, it's so good to see you," Amanda said with a warm smile. "Phillip and Jamie will be sorry they missed seeing you today; they still talk about you fondly."

"Please tell them that I said 'hello'. They are terrific boys; you've done a wonderful job raising them."

"Thank you, Mrs. Morris, they are good boys." The sad expression on Amanda's face didn't match the tone of the conversation so Mrs. Morris diplomatically made up an excuse for leaving the kitchen so that the couple could speak privately.

"What can I do to help," Amanda asked as she removed her coat and hung it from a hook by the kitchen door. She turned around to find Lee standing right behind her, looking at her intently.

"You can start by telling me what's upset you; did your talk with your mother go badly," Lee queried as he gazed at Amanda with furrowed eyebrows. She walked over to the stovetop and then turned back to face Lee.

"Now isn't the time to discuss this…we came here to volunteer…we'll talk later."

"Amanda, I can cook and talk at the same time and I know that you routinely talk to your family while you're cooking so please tell me what's wrong?"

"I want to focus on doing what we came here to do; I refuse to allow my being a little upset to prevent me from doing my best for all the families who are depending on us." Amanda began to absently open cans of beans that were going to be used in a huge pot of chili that Mrs. Morris had started preparing. Lee returned to work on the pasta sauce that he had been making but he couldn't stop sneaking peeks at the dejected expression on Amanda's face. He walked over to her and took the can opener out of her hand.

"This isn't working for me; I can't concentrate when you look so unhappy. I need to know why you are so upset…I want to be a bigger part of your life but not if it will come between you and your family. Did you tell your family about me?"

"I talked to Mother and then to the boys before I came here…that's why I'm late…I hadn't planned to talk to the boys but I had to. While I was talking to them I came to an awful realization…I'm an even bigger liar than I thought I was. I haven't just been lying to my family for years; I've been lying to myself as well. If I haven't been honest with myself about my feelings how can I expect to have a successful relationship with anyone else?"

"You are the most honest person that I've ever met; you only lie when your connection to the Agency makes it necessary. I can't imagine you lying to yourself…you are too level headed and well adjusted for that," Lee argued passionately.

"That's what I used to think but since Joe came back I've been wrestling with so many emotions that I tried not to deal with when he left. I didn't realize it until I was talking to the boys about their feelings concerning their father. Phillip and Jamie didn't understand how I feel about Joe because I hadn't been honest with them or myself about what I was feeling," Amanda confessed to Lee.


	8. Chapter 8

Lee was stunned by Amanda's confession that she hadn't been honest with the boys or herself concerning her feelings towards Joe. He strode several feet away from her, raked his hand through his hair and swallowed hard.

"Do you…ahh…are you trying to tell me that you still love Joe?"

"No, I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to scare you." Amanda rushed over to Lee and put her hands on his chest. He stepped back slightly while continuing to listen to what she was saying. "I love you," she reassured him, "that hasn't changed since I left your place this morning."

"I'm confused, if you aren't telling me that you realized that you still love Joe, how have your feelings for him changed? What have you been lying to yourself and the boys about?"

"While I was talking to Mother about you, I was aware that I was annoyed about the way that Joe has been behaving since he came back but I didn't realize that I'd been angry at him for a long time. That didn't occur to me until I talked to the boys this morning. I hadn't planned to talk to them this morning but Mother told me that they were confused by the way I walked out on Joe last night so I went up to their room to speak to them. I knocked on their door and asked if I could come in; the moment I heard Phillip's response I knew there was a problem.

" _We're both dressed so you can come in if you really want to."  
_

" _Good morning, Fellas. Phillip, why would I have asked if I could come in if I didn't actually want to?" Jamie was stretched out on his bed staring at the ceiling and Phillip scuffed his foot against the floor before he answered his mother._

"Maybe you're here because Grandma told you that you should talk to us?"

"Your grandma did tell me that you were both confused by what happened last night but I still wanted to come wish you a happy new year."

" _You weren't interested in celebrating New Year's with us last night," Jamie accused while still staring at the ceiling.  
_

" _Jamie, in this family we try to look at each other when we are having a conversation. Please sit up." He sat up but the petulant expression on his face remained in place. "I think the three of us need to have a serious talk."  
_

" _What about Grandma? When we have a major family talk Grandma is always included," Jamie questioned as Phillip plopped down on the bed next to him._

"Your Grandma and I already had a long talk; this conversation is just for the three of us. I'm sorry if I gave you guys the impression that I didn't want to celebrate New Year's Eve with you…I wanted to and I had planned to." Amanda sat down on Phillip's bed so that she'd be facing the two boys on the other bed.

" _Yesterday morning Grandma reminded us about our family tradition of starting a new year with the people we love the most. She said that Dad was coming for dinner…we thought that maybe…" Phillip left his sentence unfinished._

"Did you think that if we all celebrated together last night there might be a chance that your dad and I would get back together? Is that what you were hoping for?"

" _Dad and Grandma have been making it sound like a possibility. If that's what you want…I guess it would be nice to be a whole family again…I hardly remember what it was like before Dad left," Phillip said wistfully._

"It's been you, Grandma and us for as long as I remember but if having Dad back would make you happy it's okay with me," Jamie added.

"What makes you think that I want to remarry your dad? Have I done something to give you that idea," Amanda asked as she tried desperately to answer the latter question in her own mind.

"You seem to be happy that he's back and you've been encouraging us to get to know him…better than we did in the past," Phillip replied casually.  
"And then there are other reasons too," Jamie added. The expression on his face suggested that he had plenty of thoughts on the subject but he wasn't sure that he wanted to say what he was thinking.

" _Jamie, please tell me what you're thinking, it's very important for us to talk about this."  
_

" _Well, most of my friends who have divorced parents see them argue sometimes but you and Dad never do. He abandoned us to pursue his own dreams and you don't seem the least bit angry at him._ _I figured I shouldn't be angry at Dad if you weren't angry at him for leaving you but I've been growing up without a dad…and I'm angry."  
_

" _Me, too," Phillip added. "You and Grandma are great, we love you both, but sometimes a guy wants to have a dad around. He could have been here; he just didn't want to. Why aren't you angry at him too?" Amanda looked at her sons as she contemplated their hurt and angry comments. She found that she wanted to both scream and cry but this wasn't the right time for either. Amanda got up, walked across the room and sat down between her sons.  
_

" _I'm so sorry," she began as she put an arm around both boys, "I am angry at your father; I didn't realize how much until just now. I haven't wanted to be like your friends' moms who say negative things about their dads. I didn't want my feelings about him to prevent you boys from having the best relationship with your dad that you possibly can. I guess I've been burying my anger for so long that I forgot that it was there until-"_

"Until last night. What happened between you and Dad," Phillip probed.

"When I got home, your dad was waiting for me in the kitchen; he started to ask me about some of the things that I was doing. He was being so…"

"Judgmental," Jamie volunteered.

"Good choice of words; I always know when you've been doing your vocabulary homework. Your dad kept pushing me but I didn't want to get into a fight with him so I left."

"Dad said that you went to visit a man. We didn't know what to think," Phillip said as he looked at Amanda questioningly.

 _Before she could reply Jamie added, "Since he came back Dad has been asking us if you date a lot? He asked about Dean. He wanted to know if you introduced us to any men lately. I think, maybe, we should have told you what he was asking."_

 _"You didn't do anything wrong; he shouldn't have been asking you those questions. I'm going to make sure that in the future your dad comes to me with his questions about who I'm seeing. I met a man a couple of years ago and I've come to care about him a great deal; I'd like to tell you about him."  
_

"I told the boys a little bit about you and I promised them that they could meet you soon," Amanda told Lee. "Joe had promised to spend today with them and I encouraged them to stick to the plan while they work through their feelings for him. He is their father and I still believe that they can grow close over time."

"You never cease to amaze me; you're an incredible lady." Lee kissed Amanda tenderly; the love he felt for her shone from his eyes. "After all he's put you through you're still trying to preserve his relationship with the boys."

"I'm not doing it for Joe…I believe he can be a good father and I intend to make it clear to him that is what I expect of him. For the boys' sake and my own I plan to listen to my heart from now on." Amanda placed her face against Lee's chest and he tightened his arms around her. After a quick knock at the door, Rita poked her head into the kitchen.

"Amanda, your mother just arrived and she's looking for you." Lee let go of Amanda as they exchanged a worried glance at each other.


	9. Chapter 9

Lee raked his hand through his hair as he looked at an anxious looking Amanda.

"When you told me that you were going to introduce me to your mother soon I didn't realize that you meant now. Why didn't you warn…ah…I want to meet her…I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon."

"Believe me; I wasn't expecting it to be now either, she's supposed to be at home with the boys until Joe picks them up. The boys are spending the day with their father and I thought Mother was going to a friend's potluck plate and football watching party. I'll go out there and find out what she's doing here." Lee returned to the stove while Amanda went to find her mother. She quickly spotted Dotty despite the fact that the main room was now crowded with many more volunteers.

"Mother, what are you doing here, I thought that you were staying with the boys until Joe picked them up."

"Hello, Amanda, I'm glad to see you too." Amanda cringed internally as she realized that Lee's old habit of launching into a conversation without any salutation had rubbed off on her. She looked at her mother sheepishly and then Dotty continued, "The boys' plans with Joe fell apart. They couldn't agree on what they wanted to do and I suspect that they weren't eager to spend the whole day with him anyway."

"I guess it's just as well since this will provide them with the chance to work through some of their feelings about him before they spend more time with him. Who's with them now?"

"They're here; coming to volunteer was their idea. It is a very good cause and we all enjoyed helping out last year so they wanted to do it again," Dotty explained with grandmotherly pride. Even though Amanda was proud that her sons wanted to spend the day helping others her anxiety level rose at the prospect of having Lee meet all three of them at once.

"Where are the boys," Amanda asked. She chewed on her lower lip and scanned the large room for her sons.

"Phillip knew that his friend Tommy was coming here with his mother so I called Mrs. Martin and asked her if we could ride with them. The boys went off together to see what they could do to help."

"They could be anywhere; I have to find them." Amanda wrung her hands then began to walk away when Dotty put a hand on her arm to stop her.

"Amanda, I know you're worried about everything the boys are going through with Joe but they aren't little anymore…give them some space. You seem awfully nervous; what's bothering you? Wait a minute…he's here isn't he?"

"He who," Amanda asked reflexively not because she truly expected to avoid the inevitable introductions she'd have to make.

"Lee's here, where are you hiding him," Dotty demanded indignantly.

"I'm not hiding him." Amanda sighed deeply and then went on, "He's in the kitchen. He volunteered to help with the cooking."

"He cooks? There is so much that I want to know about him; I hardly know where to begin." While Dotty assaulted Amanda with questions, Phillip and Jamie wandered into the kitchen where Lee was still cooking alone.

"Hi, Sir, we're looking for Mrs. Morris; have you seen her," Phillip asked as Lee debated whether or not he should introduce himself to the boys.

"She was in here until a few minutes ago; I'm sure she'll be back soon," Lee responded as his internal debate continued to rage. 

"We know Mrs. Morris from school so we came to see if she needed help but since you're here alone maybe we can help you? My name is Phillip and this is my brother, Jamie."

"Hi Guys, I could certainly use some help. My name is Lee." He smiled warmly at the boys as he ran a hand through his hair yet again.

"Are you my mom's Lee," a wide-eyed Jamie questioned. 

"Yes, I am," Lee replied letting out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "I'm happy to finally meet you both; your mom talks about you all the time."

"Mom didn't tell us about you until this morning but I'm beginning to think that our dad must know about you." Phillip was thinking as he spoke and as was often the case he didn't self censor what he said.

"I've met your dad; he's a good man. He may not have a particularly high opinion of me but I hope that you and your grandmother will take the time to get to know me and reach your own conclusions about me."

"That's precisely what I intend to do but I warn you that I have very high standards," advised Dotty as she entered the kitchen with Amanda on her heels.

"Moth-er," an exasperated Amanda exclaimed as she shook her head at Dotty.

"Amanda, it's okay…your mother is concerned about you and the boys; I respect her for that," Lee interjected. He then turned his attention to Dotty, "Mrs. West, I'm Lee Stetson; it's nice to finally talk to you in person."

"I'm glad to meet you as well, Mr. Stetson." Dotty looked him over from head to toe and found that he was even better looking than she had expected him to be.

"Please call me Lee." He smiled warmly at her as he wished that she wasn't looking at him so critically.

"Lee, I'm not so old that I don't remember that charm and good looks can cover up a lot."

"Mother, you're being rude and besides this isn't the time or place for this conversation. Let's go in the other room to help the other volunteers. C'mon Fellas," Amanda urged as she physically corralled her mother. Phillip and Jamie exchanged a quick glance and then Phillip turned to Amanda.

"Mom, we'd like to stay here and help Lee." Amanda eyed Lee who nodded affirmatively behind the boys.

"Okay, you can stay, please do as Lee asks you to and-"

"Don't worry; we'll be polite," Jamie reassured her. "We won't embarrass you."

"Hmmpff," Dotty huffed and strode from the kitchen. Amanda shrugged her shoulders and then followed her. 


	10. Chapter 10

Shortly after Dotty and Amanda left the kitchen, Mrs. Morris returned to the room to resume her cooking activities. She greeted Phillip and Jamie like old friends and quickly engaged them in conversation in hope of easing the residual tension in the room. Lee, feeling somewhat stung by Dotty's cool treatment of him, remained mostly silent while the others chatted. Mrs. Morris had been surprised when Lee told her where he learned to cook and she assumed that the boys would be too.

"Lee, did you tell the boys why you are so comfortable cooking for such a large crowd of people," she prompted in an effort to pull him into the conversation.

"No, we haven't had the chance to talk much yet…I'm not sure that they'd be interested in hearing about that," Lee answered self consciously. He tugged at the neckline of his pullover sweater and looked away from the boys who were eyeing him curiously.

"I'd like to know," Jamie volunteered, "you seem to really know what you're doing here. The food is very good…I snuck a few tastes." He offered a slightly guilty smile.

"It's funny that you should mention sneaking tastes because that is how I met the man who taught me to cook. Did your mom tell you that I was raised on military bases all around the world?" Lee eyed the boys as though if he looked closely enough he could get a sense of how much Amanda had told them about him.

"Yes, she said after your…that your uncle is an Air Force officer and you two moved around a lot. Did he teach you how to cook?" While Jamie questioned Lee, Phillip quickly tasted the chili he was scooping from a large pot into serving bowls.

"No, my uncle can barely cook for himself let alone cook for hundreds of men at a time," Lee replied with an easy laugh as he warmed to the topic. "His friend, Barney, ran the mess hall on one of the first bases that we were posted to after my uncle took me in. Early on, Barney caught me sneaking tastes in the mess kitchen where I shouldn't even have been. I was sure that he would be angry enough to report me to my uncle but instead he asked me what I thought of the food."

"You must have been surprised," Phillip ventured.

"I was surprised and very relieved; my uncle had gotten a couple of other complaints about my behavior that week already."

"You weren't a good kid?" Phillip looked at his mom's boyfriend with renewed interest. _He might be more fun to be around than Dean was. Maybe Mom's taste in men has improved?_

"Let's just say that I was a handful…I kept my uncle and most other authority figures on their toes."

"Barney, too," Jamie questioned curiously.

"No, Barney and I got along very well from the start. You know how some adults treat kids like they respect them even though they're children…they don't talk down to you and they want to know what you think about stuff. Barney is like that; he always listened to me. My uncle was more inclined to issue orders and expect me to blindly follow them as if I were one of his men."

"He sounds like a jerk," Phillip said with a shake of his head.

"Phillip," Jamie scolded.

"Don't worry, Jamie, that's what I thought too until recently. Your mom helped me to see my uncle's side of things. He took me in and did his best to raise me right despite the fact that he wasn't comfortable with kids. It cost him professionally as well because he had to pass up certain postings because he couldn't have taken me along. He's a colonel now but I'm convinced he could have risen further if he'd felt free to pursue every opportunity that came his way."

"I guess you were lucky. Our dad never let US get in the way of his career," Phillip said bitterly as he accidentally put the pot back on the stove with more force than necessary.

"You might be judging your dad a little harshly; your situation and mine are different. I only had my uncle but your dad left you guys with your mom and grandma. You've been loved and well cared for everyday…I bet he was counting on that."

"We love Mom and Grandma; they're great but sometimes a guy wants to have a dad around. Dad comes and goes as he pleases and he expects us to be thrilled to see him when he feels like coming around." Mrs. Morris quietly slipped out of the kitchen as the conversation grew more intense and found herself face to face with Dotty who raised a finger to her lips. The older woman kept walking as Dotty stood outside the kitchen eavesdropping on the trio inside.

"I understand where you are coming from but I've gotten old enough to see it from the adult side also. I think that your dad may regret some of the choices that he made when he was younger. I did things ten years ago that I would never do now; our priorities change as we get older. I've done some things-"

"Boys," Dotty called as she swept into the kitchen cutting Lee off in mid-sentence. "I think that you've spent enough time with Lee for now; I'd like to speak to him alone for a few minutes. Please go help your mother." The boys were sorry to have their conversation interrupted but they didn't dare ignore a direct order from Dotty so they reluctantly left the room.

"You're full of surprises and life experience has taught me that not all surprises are pleasant. I have some questions for you that I suspect won't get answered if Amanda has the chance to run interference so I'm going to ask them now while we're alone." Lee put his Scarecrow face on as the woman facing him no longer resembled the affable suburban grandmother he so often watched through the kitchen window.


	11. Chapter 11

Dotty had been convinced that once she stated her intention to get Lee to answer her questions she'd have his undivided attention so she found the far away expression on his face disconcerting. She had no way of knowing that his focus on her had begun to wane as soon as she had said, "not all surprises are pleasant". Lee had been instantly assailed by memories of all the times in his life when surprises had been the prelude to pain and loss.

"You don't look too sure of yourself right now; are you afraid that I'm immune to your charm and good looks," Dotty questioned from across the kitchen. She still had the sense that Lee was looking through her rather than at her so she walked over to the stove where he was standing and indignantly asked, "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes, of course I'm listening to you," Lee responded mechanically. "You said that 'not all surprises are pleasant' and I couldn't agree with you more," he added sadly. Lee looked away from her for a moment, shook his head imperceptibly and then turned back to Dotty. "May I assume that you sent the boys out of the room so that you could continue to ask me about the things that Joe told you about me?"

"I wouldn't be a good mother, or grandmother, if I didn't follow up on the concerns that Joe raised about you. Amanda is quite taken with you; she trusts you completely and I plan to make sure that her trust isn't going to be betrayed by you. She's been hurt badly in the past-"

"Not by me; at least not intentionally. I've never cared for anyone as deeply as I care for Amanda."

"Joe says that you only care about yourself," Dotty threw back at him despite the sincerity in his voice.

"Joe says," Lee said as the vein in his neck jumped while he tried to keep his anger in check. "He barely knows me. Don't you respect your own daughter enough to put more stock in her assessment of my character than you do in his?"

"Don't you dare question my respect for Amanda," she countered with a wave of her hand. "She's changed over the last couple of years and now I know that is the length of time that she has known you. Amanda and I were always honest with each other in the past but since she met you she has been evasive if not flat out dishonest with me."

"Amanda didn't set out to be dishonest with you," Lee countered as he swiped his hand through his hair. "She didn't tell you about me…her feelings for me…because she had reason to believe that those feelings wouldn't lead to anything. I'm not…I wasn't the kind of man that Amanda would expect to have a future with."

"So you're admitting that the things that Joe said about you are true." Dotty held onto the notion like a dog that instinctively refuses to give up a bone.

"The things that Joe told you are based on second and third hand knowledge of my PAST behavior. I'd like the chance to tell you the truth about my past. I'm not proud of a lot of it but I won't hide the truth about how I used to live."

"That is another thing that I'm worried about; if I hadn't interrupted you a few minutes ago you would have told my grandsons ALL about your colorful past."

"Your opinion of me is even lower than I expected; I wouldn't have shared the more colorful details of my past with two impressionable boys. I was trying to explain to them that it isn't just children that grow and change over time; hopefully we adults do as well. Since you were obviously eavesdropping on our conversation, you know that I was attempting to defend their father's actions. I was standing up for the man who walked out on your daughter and grandsons even though he has been doing his best to trash me," Lee said with his fists clenched at his side.

"You're mistaken if you think that I have a high opinion of my former son-in-law; I am well aware of his faults. I wish I had paid more attention to my concerns about Joe before it was too late. I think he has matured and deserves a second chance but I'll be watching him closely. I failed to protect Amanda from the pain he caused her and the boys. I won't make that mistake again; with him or with you"

"What concerns did you have about Joe?" Lee waited with furrowed eyebrows for her response.

"Before Amanda married Joe, her father and I were bothered by Joe's willingness to have Amanda put aside her own academic pursuits in order to help put him through law school. We should have cautioned her to give more thought to whether or not she wanted to marry a man who didn't think her hopes for the future were as important as his."

"Do you truly believe that you could have changed Amanda's mind if she was determined to marry Joe? She is a very stub…determined lady who often follows her heart over her mind. I love her caring nature but I also realize that it puts her at risk of being hurt. Amanda isn't the naïve coed who married Joe anymore; she's-"

"I'm a thirty-five year old woman who has loved, been deeply hurt and learned to love and trust again," Amanda interrupted as she entered the room. She walked over to Lee and gave him a quick kiss. "I appreciate that you both love me and want what is best for me, but only I can decide how I'm going to live my life. Can you both accept that?"


	12. Chapter 12

Author's note: I'm very sorry it has taken me so long to post this chapter. Several personal issues prevented me from writing this past week but they are now largely under control. This chapter was not beta read so I alone am responsible for any mistakes it may contain.

Amanda was hurriedly setting her own dinner table less then six hours after she and Dotty had reached an understanding of sorts in the community center kitchen. Lee had smoothly excused himself so that the two ladies could talk privately; to Amanda's surprise the conversation had helped them to mend fences. They realized that while they had both acted out of a mother's instinct to protect her child they had actually done more harm than good.

She had put out four place settings as she always did, but this evening the fourth diner at the table would be Joe not Dotty. _I must have been crazy to invite Joe to dinner so soon after last night's fiasco. Can a brief private conversation with him really help put us on track to successfully resolving all the issues we didn't deal with when we got divorced?_ As Amanda leaned into the refrigerator to gather the ingredients for salad, she was startled by Joe's voice coming from behind her.

"Hello, Amanda, thanks for giving our family dinner a second chance."

"How did you get in here," demanded Amanda as she struggled not to drop the head of lettuce that she'd been reaching for. She took a deep breath and then turned to face Joe. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude but no one else is home so how did you get into the house?"

"I used my key; you did invite me to join you all for dinner. Why are you the only one home…this is supposed to be a do-over of last night's New Year's celebration?"

"No, Joe, this is not a do-over. What happened last night should never have happened, I made a huge mistake, we're here to talk now so that it doesn't happen again." Amanda put the salad ingredients on the counter and gestured for Joe to sit down at the table. They sat opposite each other and Amanda chewed her lower lip as she looked at Joe.

"Amanda, I tried to warn you about him… you don't have to tell me the details…I'm just sorry he hurt you."

"Lee didn't hurt me. We had a wonderful late supper and breakfast this morning was even better." Off the shocked expression on Joe's face Amanda continued, "I told you when you first came back that I'd moved on with my life and I don't want to go back. I thought that we should move forward with our separate lives and leave the past in the past; I was wrong."

"You've always confused me," Joe groused, while rubbing the bare spot on his left hand where he'd worn his wedding band for months after their divorce was finalized. "First you rebuff my attempt at reconciliation, and then you spend all your spare time with the boys and me as though we're a family again-"

"I can explain-"

"You can try to explain when I'm finished. You led me to believe that you were considering giving us another chance, then you threw your affair with Stetson in my face and now you invited me to a 'family dinner'. What am I supposed to think," Joe challenged hotly.

"I'm sorry, you're right, I have been sending out a lot of mixed signals. I didn't intend to hurt you or Lee but that's exactly what I did," Amanda confessed with her head hung.

"You'll have to pardon me if I don't feel any sympathy for the man who stole my wife." Joe pushed away from the table and began to stand up.

"Sit back down; it's my turn now." Amanda squared her shoulders and looked at him with a deceptively calm expression on her face. "Lee didn't steal your wife; I met him after our divorce. You lost your claim on me when you walked out on me and our sons…my feelings and more importantly their needs have never been your priority…your professional ambitions have always come first. I doubt that you'd be here now if your dream job hadn't turned into a nightmare."

"You aren't being fair…I've made some mistakes but I've always done what I thought was best for everyone concerned…that's a huge responsibility," he defended smugly.

"Who asked you to take on that responsibility alone? A marriage is supposed to be a partnership; a husband and wife should make decisions together. A good marriage involves compromises and a willingness to consider the other partner's feelings. We agreed that we wanted children before we got married; I wouldn't have married you if I'd known that you were capable of walking away from our family. Now that Phillip and Jamie are older they need a man in their lives even more then they did when they were little."

"Do you think that your new lover is going to want to have anything to do with the boys? He doesn't come across as the white picket fence type." Joe's observations about Lee were interrupted by the boys barreling through the backdoor.

"Hi, Mom, the movie ran late," Phillip called as he closed the door loudly. "Did we get back in time to see Lee?"

Joe jumped from his chair and hissed at Amanda, "You introduced my sons to your…boyfriend."

"Why shouldn't she," Jamie asked innocently, as he poked his head out from behind his brother.


	13. Chapter 13

Joe glared at Jamie and didn't respond to his question. Before Amanda had the chance to intervene Phillip quickly approached his father, "I think that you should answer the question. Lee is an important part of Mom's life; why shouldn't we get to know him?"

"Phillip, I'm having an adult conversation with your mother, I want you and Jamie to go wash up for dinner."

"We're not going." Phillip positioned himself between his parents and continued to address Joe. "When we got sent upstairs last night Mom wasn't here when we came back."

"It's okay, Sweetie, I'm not going anyplace," Amanda reassured Phillip as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

Stepping around Phillip, Joe challenged Amanda, "Do you always tolerate disobedience from them? When I was their age I did exactly what my father told me to do; no questions asked."

"Maybe that's because you knew your father…we hardly know you," Jamie countered. "We obey Mom and Grandma because we love and respect them. I hoped that you decided not to go back to Africa because you wanted to start being a dad to us."

"It doesn't matter where I am; I've always been your dad," Joe replied without looking either boy in the eye.

"No, Joe, you're their father but I'm sorry to say that you've never been a dad to them," Amanda said in a broken voice.

"We aren't the little boys that you walked out on; we know the difference between a father and a dad." Jamie eyed his father with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"You really don't understand; I did what I thought was best for all concerned. We would all still be a family if your mother had agreed to go to Africa with me. The people there desperately needed my help…how could I turn my back on the chance to do such important work?"

"Your sons needed you here yet you were able to turn your back on them and me." Amanda spoke in a measured voice but Joe was struck by the sadness he saw in her eyes.

"The boys had you here: I knew they were in good hands. Heaven knows, you never needed me... you're nothing like my mother." Joe sagged onto a chair and Amanda again sat down opposite him.

"What does your mother have to do with our situation," Amanda questioned although she began to suspect she knew the answer.

"My mother rarely makes a move without my father's approval but you…you're full of your own ideas. I never know what to expect from you…how am I supposed to know what you're thinking…or feeling?"

"You could have asked her and then really listened to her answers," Jamie interrupted as he seated himself next to his mother. Phillip hung back momentarily but then sat down opposite his brother."

"I listen; an attorney has to be a good listener," Joe defended. He nervously moved his hands on the tabletop in front of him as if he were arranging imaginary papers.

"You hear our words but I don't think you're really listening to us. We just met Lee this morning but he-"

"I don't want to discuss him," Joe angrily interrupted Jamie. "That man shouldn't be a part of your life; I won't allow him to take my place."

"Lee isn't trying to take your place; he actually tried to defend the choices you've made in the past. He thinks we should give you a chance to be our dad," Phillip asserted.

"He said that," Joe queried warily.

"Yes, we were having an interesting conversation until Grandma broke it up."

"I knew she'd be able to see through him…you boys should listen to what your grandmother has to say about Lee."

"We plan to," Phillip said smugly, "they're having dinner together right now; getting to know each other one on one." Amanda struggled not to laugh at the appalled expression on Joe's face. "Grandma was impressed by him once she looked past the bad stuff you said about him."

"I checked him out to protect all of you from him…you hardly know him."

"Of course, we don't know him well; we just met him this morning. Lee is interested in getting to know us and he was telling us all about his life." Joe raised an eyebrow as Jamie finished speaking.

"Don't go there, Joe," Amanda warned. _I don't understand why he and Mother both assumed that Lee would share the more colorful aspects of his past with the boys._ "Lee was having an open and honest conversation with the boys about life choices…you might try to do likewise. If you want to have a good relationship with them you are going to have to start working on it now; the ball is in your court."

"I realize that I've made some mistakes." Joe shifted awkwardly in his chair and ran a finger around the rim of the empty glass in front of him. "You've all given me a lot to think about, but for now I'd like us to simply spend a pleasant evening together. Boys, why don't we go see if there's some sports on TV that we can watch while your mom finishes making dinner?"

"We were planning to help Mom with dinner since Grandma isn't home to help her."

"Fellas, I've already set the table so you can relax with your dad now. Since neither of you set the table you can both do the dishes after we eat."

"Mom, we already know how to do that stuff; we want to start learning to cook. Lee said that he was younger than we are now when he started to learn to cook; besides you and Grandma deserve more help around here," Jamie concluded with a shy smile.

"I'd be crazy to say no…but I think I'll start you off with just the basics." Amanda reached across the table and ruffled Jamie's hair. "Joe, you can feel free to watch television in the family room until dinner is ready."

"No thanks, I came to spend time with my family not watch television." Amanda hoped that she and the boys had gotten through to Joe but the expression on his face was unreadable.


	14. Chapter 14

Joe pulled up in front of the house on Maplewood Drive that had been his home for a few happy years. It was a bleak January evening, but when he glanced at the house through his windshield he saw himself and Amanda approaching the house for the first time on a spring afternoon. They'd been drawn to the house immediately and instinctively knew that this was where they wanted to raise a family together. Joe was lost in his memories until he was brought back to the present by the slamming of a car door a few houses away. He looked up to see a man with a briefcase being enthusiastically greeted by two small children as their mother looked on happily. _I could have had that…oh hell…I did have that until I threw it all away. I can't turn back the clock but maybe I can still be a dad to my sons. I wish I knew how to start to make things right._ Joe tried to shake off his melancholy mood buoyed by the hope that Amanda would show him the way. He got out of his car, trudged up the front walk and rang the doorbell.

"Hello, Joe," Dotty greeted him with a less than warm smile. "Amanda isn't home at the moment; was she expecting you?"

"Hello, Dotty. Amanda wasn't expecting me." Joe shuffled his feet and then took a deep breath. "I was down visiting my folks and I couldn't stop thinking about the boys. I knew that I had to come home…come here and talk to them…so I just started driving and here I am. May I come in?"

"You may," Dotty said as she stepped back and let him come in, "Amanda never tried to keep you from your sons. She's even made certain that the boys have had regular contact with your parents."

"They mentioned that to me; I'm grateful to her for making sure that the boys know all of their grandparents. I appreciate all that you have done to help Amanda with the boys." Dotty had allowed him inside but had remained standing by the front door.

"There is no need for you to express appreciation; we are a family and families take care of each other. I enjoy playing an important role in the boys' lives."

"I can see how close you all are; you have a lot of influence over my sons. I hope that you won't use that influence against-"

"You'd rather that I not badmouth you to your sons…you want me to allow them to reach their own conclusions about you." Dotty walked towards the family room and Joe followed her. "It's ironic that you didn't think that Lee deserved the same courtesy."

"With all due respect, Dotty, I didn't come here to discuss him. I came here because I'm starting to understand how badly I've treated Amanda and the boys. I want-"

"That's the problem, Joe; it has always been about what you want. You waited too long…Amanda has moved on…she isn't yours to claim anymore. Lee IS a good man and I believe they have a bright future ahead of them. I won't stand by and allow you to try to come between them but I also won't interfere with your attempt to rebuild your relationship with your sons."

"I suppose I can't expect anything more than that from you under the circumstances. How can I compete against Stetson? He drives a hot car, tells tales of worldwide adventure-"

"Do you think so little of our sons?" Amanda walked into the room with her coat still on. "Yes, Lee's car and his stories would appeal to the boys but I've raised them to look at a whole person before they make any major judgments about someone they've just met." Turning to Dotty, Amanda asked," Mother, will you excuse us?"

"Yes, Dear, but I have one question to ask before I go. I've been worrying about Lee all day; what did the doctor say about his sprained ankle?"

"The doctor said that Lee was lucky that I dragged him in to see him. He hasn't been following any of the instructions that he got from the emergency room doctor. His ankle is even more swollen now then it was when you saw it and it has turned several shades of purple. Dr. McJohn ordered Lee to stay off his ankle and keep it elevated for at least twenty-four hours. He needs to alternate using hot and cold compresses on it to reduce the swelling."

"Do you think he'll follow this doctor's orders," Dotty questioned.

"If he doesn't follow them voluntarily; I'll tie him down myself," Amanda replied with a smile.

"I think he might enjoy that," Dotty replied with a laugh as she left the room. Amanda removed her coat and looked at Joe warily.

"I'm surprised to see you back here so soon. You seemed a little…overwhelmed after our dinner with the boys," Amanda observed as Joe fidgeted with a button on the coat that he was still wearing.

"I was overwhelmed; you and the boys gave me a lot to think about. I drove down to see my folks. It was a very educational visit. I saw them in a new way and I started to see things in myself that I don't like. Can we sit down and talk?"

"Of course we can talk; would you like to stay and have dinner with us?"

"I'd like to stay for dinner." Joe took off his coat and sat down. "Do you think the boys will mind my being here again so soon," he asked while tugging at the neckline of his sweater.

"They aren't going to mind, they want to spend time with you. I'll go tell Mother that you're staying for dinner and then we can talk. Amanda left the room and Joe got up to take a closer look at a group of family photos on the far wall. While he was examining the pictures Phillip and Jamie walked into the room.

"Hi, Dad," they said in unison. "Mom didn't say that you were coming," Phillip added.

"Your mom wasn't expecting me. I came here to talk to her and to both of you."

"So you want us to sit down and listen," Jamie asked matter-of-factly.

"No, I wanted to have a conversation with you," Joe clarified with a hopeful expression on his face.

Jamie looked from Joe to Phillip; Phillip's only response was a slight shrug of his shoulders. Jamie sat down on the sofa while Phillip remained standing just inside the room. One chapter of their lives was ending and a new one was beginning.

THE END

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Author's note: My thanks to Lanie for her wise advice and constructive criticism. I'd also like to thank all the readers who took the time to post reviews. I love receiving your feedback and hope that you'll continue to read my stories in the future.


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